Stand Up Comedy
by KlaineForeverLover07
Summary: Blaine presents an original stand up comedy piece for Drama Class. ONE SHOT


Blaine was going to do a stand up comedy thing for Drama club and he was nervous. He has his whole piece ready, the problem was that Blaine wasn't really confident with his work. Kurt kept telling him that it was good because Blaine a great sense of humor, but Blaine was still hesitant about sharing it.

"Relax honey. You're going to be fine. Its very funny, trust me, everyone won't be able to stop laughing." Kurt told him and Blaine smiled. "In a good way or bad way?" Blaine asked, in comedic matter and Kurt chuckled. "See how funny you are?" Kurt asked Blaine shrugged.

The teacher then told Blaine to take the stage and he went up, sighing as he got on stage and everyone stared at him. Kurt sat in the front row and that made Blaine feel a little better.

"Okay, so how many of you have Mr. Shue for Spanish?" Blaine asked and everyone, with the exception of Kurt raised their hands "Okay, and you know how he teaches. I'm just trying to pay attention, but its so boring and stereotypical. And somehow... I fall asleep." Blaine says and that's where the laughter started, and not just with Kurt.

"So I'm just sleeping, very quietly and the next thing I know is a book is slammed on my desk and I'm woken up." He said and the laughter grew. "And I'm like, 'I was sleeping, why did you wake me?' and Mr. Shue then asks me to answer a question on the board. And I tell him I don't know." Blaine says. "And he assumes its because I was sleeping, but I tell him its because I don't speak Spanish because he is the worst Spanish teacher ever." Blaine said and even the teacher laughed at that.

"And he sends to me to Figgins office. And I'm like, 'I was just being truthful.'" Everyone cracks up again and Blaine moves on to another topic.

"Okay, how many people here have been to see the school nurse?" Blaine asked and most of the students raised their hands. "Okay good, so probably know where I'm going with this." He added.

"Anyway, so I go to the nurse because my stomach is killing me, I threw up in the bathroom a couple times and possibly have a fever. I tell her all that and walks over to me and asks, 'Do you want a mint'?" Blaine states and class starts to laugh, but only a few do. "And I'm like, 'No! A mint's not gonna help me!' And then she yells at me, 'Then get the hell back to class and stop wasting my time!'" The class and teacher laughs again, louder this time.

"So I'm thinking this lady was probably raised in a warehouse where instead of medicine, they used mints on ill people, like soldiers. Which is probably why most of the sick and injured die." Blaine said and mire laughter filled the room.

"And that got me thinking. You guys know Quinn Fabray, right?" Blaine asked and they all nodded. "Well, I was thinking, if our nurse worked in a hospital. And saw Quinn get pushed in there in a wheelchair because she's in labor. She'd ask her, 'Do you want a mint?' And she'd probably let her have her baby on the sidewalk if she said she wanted a doctor to help with the pain and give birth to her baby." Blaine said. So far it was the funniest one, compared to the volume of laughter.

"Okay, now, how many of you guys have siblings?" And everyone, minus the teacher raised their hand. "Well, I have two. I have an younger sister and an older brother. My sister Angie, she likes to watch me shower because she is curious why girls and boys look different when they are naked." Blaine said and the laughter continued.

"And my brother, Cooper. Well, he is just an ass and i wonder why after having him wanted more children. Probably because he was good at lying and my parents thought that'd be a good way to create a great acting family, but that didn't happen." Blaine said.

"They got an ass actor, a clumbsy dancer, and well, me. The stud and singer. I'm the golden boy, you could say." Blaine said, winking, which caused the girls and Kurt to laugh.

"Anyway, me and my sister were looking through home movies. And we find this one tape, titled, 'The Making Of Cooper.'" and everyone laughed at that.

"And I'm like, WHAT? WHY IN HELLS GOD WOULD THAT BE IN THE HOME MOVIES SHELF AND WHY IN GODS SAKE GAVE MY PARENTS THE IDEA TO MAKE IT?! SOMETHING THIS DISGUSTING AND... UGH!" He said. "And my sister puts it in the player anyway and me, thinking I'm about to be scarred for life, is relieved when I find out its just a sonogram." Blaine said and more laughter was heard.

Blaine thought he was done, but the teacher told him to keep going, so Blaine had to think fast. "Okay, uh, I know we've all been to the dentist. But how many of you hate it?" Blaine asked and then he and the rest of the class shot their hands up.

"I know what its like when you get there. You're so nervous and then some annoying kid yells in your face and throws stuff at you, making this trip already not worth it."

They start to laugh again. "So you're called back and the hygienist starts cleaning your teeth and asks, 'hows school? And are we having fun yet?'" Blaine says and stops for a moment. "And I'm like, 'First! You having your friggin hands in my mouth, what makes you think I can answer? And what the hell about this is fun? Your hands are in my mouth, I'm nearly about to choke and why makes you think that I like the feel of metal tools being used to butcher ny mouth and gums?'" Laughter is loud and one person falls off their chair.

"And then when its almost time for you to leave and the dentist says you have a cavity and we'll take care of that now." Blaine says.

"And I know people think Novocain is the worst thing in a dentist office, or maybe the drill, which I don't even understand. But its actually laughing gas." Blaine says. "I mean yeah you don't feel a thing and you get to go to sleep, but seriously?" Blaine said.

"I mean, first, you wont know what's going on. So the dentist can do more drilling and pull more teeth than he needs to so he can charge you more." Laughter starts up again.

"And then after wards, you'll be too giggly or whatever to know what you're saying. So you could say something very stupid or tell a secret that you never want anyone to know. Like in iCarly.

"And you'll also be drooling. A lot, so it'd be very bad, especially if the dentist or hygienist is cute. Then you'll be the fool who drooled all over the hot dentist." Blaine said and that was the loudest they laughed.

"Thanks for listening. That's all I got so... Bye." Blaine said and left the stage and everyone applauded. "Blaine, thank you for that. Exceptional work." the teacher told him.

"Was I really that good?" Blaine asked Kurt and he smiled. "Judging by how loud it got in here, I'd say were funny beyond exceptionalism." Kurt said. "And thanks to you, I know to avoid laughing gas when I go to the dentist." Kurt joked and Blaine rolled his eyes.

**I'M BAAAAAAACCCK! Its been ages! I know! And on my account in general! Yes, its been a while! I'm so happy you guys haven't forgotten me! (I hope you haven't)**

**Anyway, I hope you liked this! I got this idea a while ago! I was watching a drama class perform their pieces and it gave me an idea for a chapter.**

**Anyway, hope this didn't kill you with all the laughter! Anyway, please tell me what you thought! ;)**

**Please Review!**


End file.
